This is long overdue, but I’m just going to make a note here on relationships and military life. Many shipmates in my division at basic training were in committed relationships when they arrived – including me. Some were married, some just very serious. Many couples grew stronger through long distances. One even got married on liberty weekend at the end of basic. Like many couples entering the military, my wife and I decided to get married shortly before I left. We planned to have a legal wedding to take care of the paper work, and then have a “real” wedding when I returned on leave 6 months later. This would provide a number of extra benefits (extra pay, medical coverage, life insurance, and more) for both of us as well as a sense of security in the relationship.
Please keep in mind, separation affects all couples differently. In the 5 and a half years before I left, we had not spent more than a week without each other. Even then, we were on the phone every day. So I knew my absence would be tough on both of us. Very unexpectedly, on graduation day, my newly-wed wife of 3 months and live-in girlfriend of more than five years told me she couldn’t stay with me. She had difficulty explaining why, but it had something to do with her newfound freedom once I left. Not that I was oppressive, but we just did EVERYTHING together. Neither of us saw this as an issue before, but it was always there. I think we were just blind to it. I’m not trying to scare anyone, but please just take this as an advisory notice: know the status of your relationship when you sign Uncle Sam’s papers. Try to look through the excitement of marriage and your new future. Unless happily married already, I recommend waiting at least until after basic training to do so. Don’t use the military as an excuse to rush a marriage. I’m sure it works for some, but my situation is all too common. If it’s worth it, he or she will wait for you. If they won’t, they aren’t worth it.
4 comments:
I love you more than words can say. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You are my best friend.
RJ
Wow, that is scary... I read that and my heart sank. I am sorry that things happen like this to people that sacrifice so much for all of us. Women seriously, take advantage of men in the military. It is like an easy in for most. They get free health, a place to live, chances are most of them don't work, the have babies to lock the guys into a relationship forever.... not thinking of how they destroy some of their lives. You are a great guy Colin. It is guys like you that do not deserve to be treated the way that you have been. Thanks for all the "jokes". ~H
Gosh, I am so sorry to hear about the split, Colin. Our military people give so much and give UP so much for us. Living apart makes things even more difficult.
I wish you peace and the ability to move on with your life. One of my favorite quotes says, "the cure for anything is salt water--sweat, tears, or the sea." Isak Dinesen.
Hang in there!
I may be an exception, but my wife and I got married one month before she shipped to Navy bootcamp. Five years and 2 sons later and I couldn't be happier. She'll be out in one more year and then (when she's no longer married to me and the Navy) our real life together will begin.
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